Be a man

The radical feminist movement can kiss my hind-parts.  These washed-up, bitter womyn (most of whom grow better mustaches than I can), are the reason that my wife thinks she can get away with this crap, and the reason I have been such a pansy for the last 9 months.  Men have been feminized, women have been masculinized, and the outcome has been a disaster.  Little panty-waist men cower in the corners while their women trample all over them.

Men these days spend more time doing their hair than they spend working with power tools.  Hell, most men I know couldn't build a shelf or fix a car if their life depended on it.  And have you been out on a Friday night lately?  Good gravy, most of the 20-something guys are more made-up than their dates.  Guys, if you know more about designer jean manufactures than you do about how to change a tire, you deserve to be strangled with your own leotard.

So how does this fit into affairs?  Simple.  My mom, God bless her, would never have done this crap to my father.  My grandmother doing this to my grandfather would have been unthinkable.  They're good women to begin with, but regardless, the fact is that my father or my grandfather would have tolerated a cheating wife as much as they would have tolerated their kid snorting cocaine in Sunday School.  Don't get me wrong, I come from a long line of men who wouldn't strike a woman for any reason, and who would beat senseless any man who did.  So I'm not talking about the "old-school" kind of guy who would belt his wife for infidelity.  That kind of behavior is just sick and wrong, and actually quite unmanly.

Here's how I think my dad would have handled it, and here's how I should have handled it from Day 1:  When I found out my wife was cheating on me, and when she didn't immediately fall at my feet begging for forgiveness, I should have rented a U-Haul and packed all her crap up.  I should have told her that if some other guy was important enough to sneak around my back with, by golly he could have her.  At that point she'd have two choices:  1) Leave our home - jobless, penniless, and with nowhere to go but to her alcoholic, womanizing boyfriend's house.  You see, affairs are only fun until you actually have to face the reality of them.  She probably would have come to her senses pretty quickly, but if not then I had already lost her anyway.  2) Stay with me and unpack the U-Haul, but with conditions.  No more going out and sipping coffee, writing, and flirting with other men while the kids and I rot at home.  No contact with the other man, ever.  Period.  And finally, showing me respect and love.  Don't like the conditions, the U-Haul has a full tank and is ready to go.

Of course this isn't what I did.  I begged, cried, grovelled, guilted, you name it.  And it looked every bit as ridiculous as the sequins on a little girly-man's $100 sweater vest.  Such was the product of my being led to believe that men were supposed to be sensitive, effeminate, and "in-tune with their feelings".  Ironically, as I think about it, the few good times this last year have come when I acted like the alpha-male I ought to be.  Telling my wife I didn't give a d*** about her little games, going off and watching football with my buddies, and refusing to answer her calls and texts, pretty much guaranteed I'd come home to find her waiting in lingerie.  The dirty little secret is, for all the talk about what women want, not much has changed in the last 100,000 years.  Women want a MAN. 

Respect yourself, and maybe she'll grow to respect you too.  That my plan anyway.  It's time to be a man.  Who's with me?

Divorce. Also known as "Rewarding your wife for her unfaithfulness".

Statistics indicate that around 70% of divorces are initiated by women.  That's a pretty lopsided figure, especially when you consider that these days, cheating rates amongst men and women are about the same - and may even be a bit higher for women. 

If you have more than two brain cells to rub together, you can probably figure out why this is.  It seems that the court system didn't get the memo from the modern feminist movement, which insists that men and women are equal, that girls can do anything guys can do, and that women don't need men to take care of them.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equal treatment and equal opportunity.  I just think that should extend to the divorce as well.

Let's not beat around the bush.  If you are a woman and you find out your husband is a lying, cheating bastard, you have a great deal of leverage.  He had better damn well stop his behavior and stop it NOW, or you will take his house, take his kids, and take half his paycheck for the rest of his life.  If, on the other hand, you are a man and find out your wife is a conniving cheater.... well, I guess you can tell her that if she doesn't stop NOW, by golly you'll give her the house, the kids, and half your paycheck for the rest of her life.  You see, in most states the court system does not consider the reason for a divorce.  Your wife could cheat on you with eight different men and all but try to murder you, and she would still get favorable treatment in terms of alimony, child custody, and so on.  The fact of the matter is simply this:  IF YOU DIVORCE YOUR CHEATING WIFE, THE COURTS WILL REWARD HER HANDSOMELY. 

Every time I caught my wife back in the affair or in another lie, I would ask myself what the heck I was doing staying in my joke of a marriage.  And then the answer would come back to me in a flash:  "You're here because you don't want to live in a one-bedroom apartment, see your kids every other weekend, and watch your wife and her boyfriend travel to Vegas every month with the alimony money".

Anyone else going through this same problem?  Until the court system gets out of the 1950's, I expect that women will continue to trample all over their men at will.

Welcome to Betrayed Men

Before last June, I could not have imagined that this would happen to me.  Life seemed great, and the world was my oyster.  I enjoyed my work, had a healthy social life, and was in a seemingly pretty good marriage to a beautiful, talented woman.  Our kids were healthy, our bills were paid, our future was bright.  Then in just a few short minutes of truth, my world came crashing down.

Our cell phone company was charging us more than usual, and upon searching our online records, discovered that my wife had been sending hundreds of text messages.  Most of them were to a single number I didn't recognize, and over just the past couple of days alone over 100 had been sent and received.  I decided to dial the number and see who would pick up.  The call went to voice mail, and I found myself listening to a man's voice who announced himself as someone I had never heard of before.  I knew right away that this wasn't good.  I immediately called my wife and demanded an explanation.  At first she claimed that he was an old high school friend who had gotten back in touch with her.  After I pushed her to explain why she wouldn't tell me about something so benign as an old high school friend, she changed her story to say he was an old boyfriend and she was worried I'd be mad.  But I knew all the names of her old boyfriends, and his wasn't one of them.  After a good deal more pushing on my part, she finally admitted that he was a guy she had been having a relationship with behind my back for a few months.... and that she was waiting for the right time to tell me our marriage was over and that she was leaving me for him.  (Probably was, I was the breadwinner in the family and she needed to make sure I paid her bills until she had a job secured and could leave). 

As you know if you're been through this, it was devastating.  I begged her to break the relationship off, but she immediately began telling me what an awful husband I was, and that if I did anything to hurt her relationship with this other man, I'd be ruining her life.  I didn't make too many wise decisions in those first several weeks, but one of the few I made was to call the other man and talk to him.  Turns out he had no idea that my wife was married or that she had kids at home.  Being several years younger than my wife - a college student in fact - he was shocked and pretty freaked out.  My wife was beyond pissed off.

Of course I thought that having revealed the cold hard truth, the affair would end and we could heal our marriage.  I stupidly begged, pleaded, groveled, guilted, accommodated.... anything I could do to try to save my marriage.  (As it turns out, those were probably all of the wrong things).  Over the past nine months, my wife went back into the affair numerous times, broke no contact rules, snuck around, lied, you name it.  Turns out when the other man got over the initial shock, he was willing to go on ahead and fool around with my wife.  We've been in marriage counseling much of that time, but there's only so much counseling can do when one party is lying through their teeth.  I have had numerous discovery days (D-days), have nearly lost my mind, and have been pretty thoroughly trampled.  But on the other hand, I have learned much, have grown a tremendous amount, and am starting to learn to respect myself.

My wife now says she is sorry for everything and the affair is really, truly over.  (It's been about 2 weeks now).  She has pleaded with me to stay with her, and promised that if I'll stick with this marriage she'll make it worth my while.  I'm not exactly holding my breath, but we'll see where things go..... if nothing else for the sake of the children.

If you are reading this, chances are you have been or are in my shoes.  I'm really sorry you're going through this, but know that you are not alone.  Thousands - maybe millions - of men go through this every year, and I hope this can be just one of the many places where we can support each other.